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She wasn't allowed to wear red lipstick; he hated her short haircut, telling her, "You look old, hard, and cheap." She developed a stutter, and as a consequence tried to speak as little as possible.

Less than a year after living there, she contemplated killing herself, writing, "Drowning myself seemed like a logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading.

reality show that chronicled part of her time with Hefner (and fellow Playmates/Hefner girlfriends Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt).

reality show Holly's World — and yet fans would not stop asking her about Hugh Hefner and her time as his girlfriend in the Playboy Mansion.

Does she consider it to be nonconsensual when she looks back on it? But none of the girls would ever really admit to it or talk about it."The group sex occurred twice a week, she said.

"I think everybody just assumed because I was there and making it clear that I wanted to be a girlfriend that I knew something went on," Madison said. "It was always Wednesdays and Fridays after the club," she said.

The decision immediately cut her off from friends outside the mansion. But I guess I wasn't comfortable enough to explain why I thought it would be fun or why I thought it would be a good idea." As Madison learned her first night out with Hefner and the girlfriends, sex was a requirement of living there.

Madison said they would say, "'Ew, gross, you hooked up with an old dude? Wednesdays and Fridays were "Club Nights," and Hefner and his ladies would go out in Hollywood, getting VIP treatment at various clubs.

"I was like, can't you see I'm doing so much better on my own?

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