Are you dating an abuser quiz

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I once chatted with a 36-year-old man on the Internet who asked if I would like to see his requirements for a mate and marriage. “Send them over.” His request was curious, but I was amused when I received his list for the perfect wife.

His criteria for marriage were included in approximately eight e-mails with three to four attachments each.

Third, you'll need to speak with someone about your relationship.

Abused victims are often afraid to speak out about their abuser because they feel that they must protect their date or mate even if he or she is in the wrong. You can contact Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY to speak with a licensed counselor and receive a free counseling referral for your area.

The first step to improving your relationship is becoming aware of your unhealthy actions and admitting they are wrong.

It’s important to take responsibility for the problem and get help to end it.

While the behaviors may not be abusive, they can worsen over time if you don’t change.

But when his love interest shows flaws that reveal she is human, he becomes angry because she does not meet his expectations.

I wish it were always as easy to recognize a potential abuser like this man.

But just to make sure that my suspicions were correct, I asked him a few questions.

I discovered that he grew up in a home with an overbearing father who was a perfectionist and a competitive mother who threw things when she was angry and who "was not submissive enough." He said his parents showed him love by teaching him how to succeed (or, in other words, to be perfect). Because even though some of this man’s standards are godly (he even said he thought a man should save ,000 before marrying to provide for his family) his rigid rules, with an inability to extend grace, signaled potential control and abuse.

Most of all, she must be submissive like his pastor instructed him.

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